I've been thinking a lot lately, so much in fact that it's the reason why I haven't written in so long. I've been thinking about my life; where it's headed, what's going to happen, who am I going to be? As I've been thinking about my own life and all the posibilities that lay ahead of me, I've also thought about my friends and what's to become of them.
Friends I thought I'd never lose have drifted so far that I cannot see them through the fog that has set in. Others I can still see clearly, but the inner scars they've hid for so long have begun to appear on the outside and, despite what is said, I cannot help but feel so helpless in trying to ease their pain. Friends in whom I've confided so much are no longer willing to be around, no longer willing to put forth the effort to having a strong friendship.
Where did things go so wrong? Will they ever be able to be put right again? Were they ever right in the first place? Or was it just a figment of our imaginations that everything was truly in its place at all?
I've wondered about these things for a while now, but have only recently begun to find the words to speak of them.
Painful as it may be, when one takes a stroll through their thoughts, they discover things that have been long hidden. I've been wandering through my thoughts and memories and have found things that I thought I'd gotten rid of a long time ago, but the thing is, one never really gets rid of memories or surpressed thoughts.
It's just that.
We can only surpress the things that we want to no longer associate with, but never will they fully be gone.
But, I've found that in supressing my thoughts from myself and others accomplishes nothing but more hurt and seclusion and really, who wants to live their life out in complete seclusion from those around them? Even in this logic though, I will not just become an open book and give my thoughts permission to leave my head, no; I will still keep a close guard upon my heart and all the thoughts and memories residing within my mind.
Once upon a time I had let my heart be free, my trust was given freely and without fear, and I did not have walls built up to keep everyone out. However, things changed, as they always must, right? Now in this time, my heart is closed off to the public, my trust locked tightly within it and rarely given, and the walls; the walls have been built so high, so thick, so strong that not one brick can be loosed by an outsider.
Or so I thought.
Since my walls had gone up, everyone who was close to me tried, but failed to penetrate through them. But, then I met someone, a good friend of mine who has this uncanny ability to read people no matter what walls they have surrounded their hearts with. Now, I can read people well, but no one that I know has ever been able to read me well at all and I was rather annoyed that he could do it so well. I found myself trusting him and it scared me to think that I could trust someone so easily, so I tried to close myself off from him and my new group of friends, but, lo and behold, they wouldn't back off.
I didn't know what it was about him, but he was different. He was different than any guy I'd met before and he was so much more mature than most I'd encountered. He seemed to understand things more in depth, he could sympathize with a good chunk of events that have gone on in my life, and he empathized with the rest. But, his difference in all that wasn't what made him stand out from the others; it was something from within him.
I didn't know then, but his heart belonged to someone else, he'd given it and let it be filled with love and through that love I saw what I wanted and needed.
He has Jesus and I wanted it.
But, (here's a shocker) I was ridiculously stubborn and wouldn't allow my heart to be healed by this unseen man. I was stubborn for a long time, but finally couldn't handle things on my own anymore, I had to give up my life and my heart to Him. And the change...it was incredible.
But, he never gave up on praying for me to find his Love and to surrender to someone who could better handle all of my issues and pain far better than I could ever dream of doing on my own. Even when I was such a jerk to him, he wouldn't quit; I know it sounds pathetic, but no matter how hard I tried to distance myself from him and the others, they just wouldn't leave.
And people tell me I'm stubborn.
Anyway, back to the topic of thoughts...
Just keep in mind that your thoughts and memories are never fully gone; the bad ones, the ones not wanting to be remembered, are only supressed and the good ones, the ones full of love and happiness, they'll always be there and they'll be there to overpower the bad when they resurface.
Take a wander through your thoughts from time-to-time, you may be surprised at what you find. Take Jesus with you when you stroll through them all though, for you may need someone to share them with. But, just to have someone by your side to comfort you should your thoughts become unbearable on your own is a good enough reason to take Him along for the walk.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
13 October 2010
14 August 2010
Beautiful Ones
Beautiful people with broken hearts and messed-up lives - this is who we are in God's eyes.
The girl crying in the school bathroom, blood running down her arm, her face lifted up to heaven as cries of pain and confusion flood the echoing room.
Does anyone see her?
The mother forever scarred, her body revealing the birth of a young one, but nowhere is he to be found. Instead his small heart has found rest with his Maker.
Can anyone know her pain?
The son hiding in a corner as mother and father scream, things flying around the room. His body shakes with fear, his flesh tries to leave but is heart is chained to his family.
Who will be his rescue?
The shy, young lass who carefully walks the halls praying she misses her today, just to get a break. The punching, the kicking, the cuts and bruises, the continual abuse in actions and words - she can't take any more.
How can no one hear her pleas for help?
All of these broken, all of these bruised and scarred, our Daddy sees them one and all. He calls them beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, sons and daughters of the Most High Creator of Life.
All of these are all around us; they are our friends, our family, sisters, brothers, cousins...ourselves.
We are broken, we are scarred, we are full of sin and shame, but yet we are beautiful. Our Daddy calls us beloved, gorgeous, remarkably blameless in His sight.
We are forever cherished by the one who is so holy, so magnificent; He calls us His children.
We are His babies, His bride, His shining rteasure and it's time we begin believing it. To allow Him to call us beautiful, precious jewels, to let Him flood us with love and peace, to let Him bring us to our knees in total surrender is the least we can fo for what He did for us.
Until nour next encounter,
Lauren
The girl crying in the school bathroom, blood running down her arm, her face lifted up to heaven as cries of pain and confusion flood the echoing room.
Does anyone see her?
The mother forever scarred, her body revealing the birth of a young one, but nowhere is he to be found. Instead his small heart has found rest with his Maker.
Can anyone know her pain?
The son hiding in a corner as mother and father scream, things flying around the room. His body shakes with fear, his flesh tries to leave but is heart is chained to his family.
Who will be his rescue?
The shy, young lass who carefully walks the halls praying she misses her today, just to get a break. The punching, the kicking, the cuts and bruises, the continual abuse in actions and words - she can't take any more.
How can no one hear her pleas for help?
All of these broken, all of these bruised and scarred, our Daddy sees them one and all. He calls them beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, sons and daughters of the Most High Creator of Life.
All of these are all around us; they are our friends, our family, sisters, brothers, cousins...ourselves.
We are broken, we are scarred, we are full of sin and shame, but yet we are beautiful. Our Daddy calls us beloved, gorgeous, remarkably blameless in His sight.
We are forever cherished by the one who is so holy, so magnificent; He calls us His children.
We are His babies, His bride, His shining rteasure and it's time we begin believing it. To allow Him to call us beautiful, precious jewels, to let Him flood us with love and peace, to let Him bring us to our knees in total surrender is the least we can fo for what He did for us.
Until nour next encounter,
Lauren
30 July 2010
Small Whisper
Alright, everyone, this is a letter that goes with my poem 'Small Whisper' (you can find that on facebook if you want to read it). It's the first thing, aside from the poems, that I've written for my book. Please give me some feedback on what you think. I hope you enjoy it!
Small Whisper
Dear Readers,
You've heard it said by those wiser than us to "always listen to that small still voice inside, to let it guide you and to never turn from it." I know that, as independent young adults, sometimes we feel as though we know everything, but the reality is that we don't. We all need someone whispering to us, helping us to do the right thing at all times. Now, whether we listen to that small voice is our choice, no one else can make it for us. Not our parents, not our friends, not even God can make us listen. He gave us a free will and because of that, we have to make a conscious effort every day to trust and listen to the voice God placed within us.
Lord Byron wrote it beautifully when he wrote 'The Island' saying,
Small Whisper
Dear Readers,
You've heard it said by those wiser than us to "always listen to that small still voice inside, to let it guide you and to never turn from it." I know that, as independent young adults, sometimes we feel as though we know everything, but the reality is that we don't. We all need someone whispering to us, helping us to do the right thing at all times. Now, whether we listen to that small voice is our choice, no one else can make it for us. Not our parents, not our friends, not even God can make us listen. He gave us a free will and because of that, we have to make a conscious effort every day to trust and listen to the voice God placed within us.
Lord Byron wrote it beautifully when he wrote 'The Island' saying,
"Yet still there whispers the small voice within, heard through Gain's silence, and o'er Glory's din: Whatever creed be taught, or land be trod, Man's conscience is the Oracle of God."
And it's true! Our conscience is the Holy Spirit himself, which is the Oracle of God. God sends the Holy Spirit out into the hearts of His Beloved to be His messenger, it's how He speaks to us, how He gets our attention. The thing is though, we have to be willing to really listen for Him and that can be rather difficult. See, the Holy Spirit speaks when it wants to, or when God tells it to, and when it does speak it's not necessarily a loud, clear voice. It can be very quiet, nearly nonexistent, but if we listen closely enough, we'll be able to discern the Holy Spirit's voice from Satan's.
As adolescents we will make mistakes there's no doubt but, as we grow, we will learn to listen to that still voice within, we'll learn to trust it with everything we are. We will learn to surrender to the whisper inside of us and when we do, our faith and love for Jesus will overflow to others in such a way that we won't be able to hide it. As we begin to listen closer, we will be able to better share His love and message of Salvation as He sees fit to have us deliver it.
Well, guys, this is it. The first letter written for my book. I know grammar may not be perfect (Anne.), but I didn't quite focus on that aspect of this letter, I cared more about the words and how it would effect my readers. I hope this has blessed you in some way and please send your feedback and comments. Thank you all.
Until our next encounter,
~Lauren
And it's true! Our conscience is the Holy Spirit himself, which is the Oracle of God. God sends the Holy Spirit out into the hearts of His Beloved to be His messenger, it's how He speaks to us, how He gets our attention. The thing is though, we have to be willing to really listen for Him and that can be rather difficult. See, the Holy Spirit speaks when it wants to, or when God tells it to, and when it does speak it's not necessarily a loud, clear voice. It can be very quiet, nearly nonexistent, but if we listen closely enough, we'll be able to discern the Holy Spirit's voice from Satan's.
As adolescents we will make mistakes there's no doubt but, as we grow, we will learn to listen to that still voice within, we'll learn to trust it with everything we are. We will learn to surrender to the whisper inside of us and when we do, our faith and love for Jesus will overflow to others in such a way that we won't be able to hide it. As we begin to listen closer, we will be able to better share His love and message of Salvation as He sees fit to have us deliver it.
Well, guys, this is it. The first letter written for my book. I know grammar may not be perfect (Anne.), but I didn't quite focus on that aspect of this letter, I cared more about the words and how it would effect my readers. I hope this has blessed you in some way and please send your feedback and comments. Thank you all.
Until our next encounter,
~Lauren
26 May 2010
Labels
Have you ever been labeled? Has someone ever said that you are something when in all actuality you're not? If so, then this is one blog you definitely should read.
I went to a youth group type thing at Faith Tab tonight and heard some things worth sharing; things that will definitely help me in my walk with Christ, in relationships, in friendships, and just in everyday life.
We did two exercises that I thought were really weird at first, but after I thought about them, I realized how beneficial they were. In the first exercise, the speaker asked each of us to write on a sticky note all the labels people had labeled us, then we stuck them to paper stick figures. It made me realize just how many negative labels I'd had stuck to me and how easy it was to receive them.
For the second exercise, the speaker had us each go to a mirror and stare into our own eyes for 30 seconds, if you couldn't look in your own eyes or even someone else's, he said that there was some shame somewhere in your life. The point of this exercise was to have us create labels for ourselves, to figure out who we are and what we think of ourselves.
The final thing the speaker had us do was pray, he had us all bow our heads and pray quietly with ourselves. He wanted us to pray and allow God to give us a new label, one that would clear away all the others, one that no one could give or take away from us. We then went up and wrote our God-given label on a sticky note and placed it over-top of the others.
Like I said, this was all a bit weird at first, but I recommend you all do this for yourselves. That is the only way you'll actually fully understand what I'm talking about.
God never puts a negative, derogatory, or hurtful label on you. Other kids may label you things at school, you may be bullied, teased, hurt, or isolated among your friends, but God will still call you His daughter/son of the Living God. Your parents can even label you labels like "irresponsible, dumb, ignorant, the oldest, dyslexic, troubled, depressed, etc." The list goes on and on and on, but I think that's enough for you to get what I'm trying to say.
As many labels as the world tries to, and generally succeeds, put on you, God will only put one. And that is that you are His for all eternity no matter what the world may say. No matter what you've done in your life, it does not matter to Him.
There are things that I've done in my life so unbelievable that I thought God would never want to deal with someone like me and boy, was I wrong. He not only wanted to deal with me, but He chased after me and pounded on my heart's door until I cracked the door just enough that His healing light burst in and saved me just in the nick of time. I've been labeled so many things that I thought I'd never be free form all of them, but with one word to Jesus, He cleared them all and gave me a new one. His special label made just for me. I am a worshiper - a worshiper in music, in singing, in writing, and in living for my Daddy.
I pray for each and every one of you that you find this wonderful new label, that you allow God to heal you and make you new, and that your life will be turned upside-down when He explodes into your world.
Well, until our next encounter,
~Lauren
I went to a youth group type thing at Faith Tab tonight and heard some things worth sharing; things that will definitely help me in my walk with Christ, in relationships, in friendships, and just in everyday life.
We did two exercises that I thought were really weird at first, but after I thought about them, I realized how beneficial they were. In the first exercise, the speaker asked each of us to write on a sticky note all the labels people had labeled us, then we stuck them to paper stick figures. It made me realize just how many negative labels I'd had stuck to me and how easy it was to receive them.
For the second exercise, the speaker had us each go to a mirror and stare into our own eyes for 30 seconds, if you couldn't look in your own eyes or even someone else's, he said that there was some shame somewhere in your life. The point of this exercise was to have us create labels for ourselves, to figure out who we are and what we think of ourselves.
The final thing the speaker had us do was pray, he had us all bow our heads and pray quietly with ourselves. He wanted us to pray and allow God to give us a new label, one that would clear away all the others, one that no one could give or take away from us. We then went up and wrote our God-given label on a sticky note and placed it over-top of the others.
Like I said, this was all a bit weird at first, but I recommend you all do this for yourselves. That is the only way you'll actually fully understand what I'm talking about.
God never puts a negative, derogatory, or hurtful label on you. Other kids may label you things at school, you may be bullied, teased, hurt, or isolated among your friends, but God will still call you His daughter/son of the Living God. Your parents can even label you labels like "irresponsible, dumb, ignorant, the oldest, dyslexic, troubled, depressed, etc." The list goes on and on and on, but I think that's enough for you to get what I'm trying to say.
As many labels as the world tries to, and generally succeeds, put on you, God will only put one. And that is that you are His for all eternity no matter what the world may say. No matter what you've done in your life, it does not matter to Him.
There are things that I've done in my life so unbelievable that I thought God would never want to deal with someone like me and boy, was I wrong. He not only wanted to deal with me, but He chased after me and pounded on my heart's door until I cracked the door just enough that His healing light burst in and saved me just in the nick of time. I've been labeled so many things that I thought I'd never be free form all of them, but with one word to Jesus, He cleared them all and gave me a new one. His special label made just for me. I am a worshiper - a worshiper in music, in singing, in writing, and in living for my Daddy.
I pray for each and every one of you that you find this wonderful new label, that you allow God to heal you and make you new, and that your life will be turned upside-down when He explodes into your world.
Well, until our next encounter,
~Lauren
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)