If there's one thing that I've learned in life it's that life doesn't care who you are, what you've done or what you will become. It will throw all that it can at you and see just how long you can stay standing underneath all of the weight. If life just stuck to throwing lemons, it would be a nice, easy life. Instead, it throws divorce, pain, fighting, bills, emotional roller coasters and so much more in your face and laughs when you fall.
If there was just one person who cared enough to treat you with respect, love, trust and like the adult you were, would you give them that chance? If that chance was given to that one person but they blew it, what would you do? One can only be so much of an adult, however, when someone criticizes that one for trying, that one person is going to be backed into a corner and not know what to do.
I am that one person.
The someone is anyone who backs me into corners or shuts me down.
Throw things, break things, tear things apart - none of that matters, but words....negative, destructive, hurtful words...those matter to me and they're not something I can take lightly. How can you not see that? How many more different ways must I tell you?
My mind is running a million miles a second right now. This isn't the direction I meant to take when I started writing this, so I'm sorry to those who expected something of the usual. I feel like I'm jumping from one thing to another....
Words are not toys and I know I've mentioned the power and effects of words in past blogs, but I'll state it again: words have a serious lasting effect on a person's life and psyche and can either do some incredible damage or be a great help. How you choose to use your knowledge of words is all up to you, but if you expect to have friends or people who love to be around you, then you'd better choose the better of the two options.
If you want to say something, but the words will be wrong, degrading or damaging, then take a few of life's lemons and throw them out at me instead. Words, to me, are more harmful (or helpful) than if you threw lemons at me.
So, throw lemons, but keep your words pointed at me - or anyone else for that matter - at a minimum for damage and at a maximum for encouragement.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
20 August 2011
26 July 2011
Pained Heart
Every time you write, my heart aches more with the pain of knowing how hard I try to be there and just how much farther you push me away.
You cannot do this alone.
Every time you write, I see more of what you hide and the pain that's eating you alive.
Let someone in to listen and help hold your burdened heart.
Every time I hear your voice I cringe from the unfathomable amount of hurt that echos from your mouth.
When will you allow someone to listen to that pain?
I don't know how to show you that I'm here, that I've never left since the day we met, but you're hurting and it kills me to watch, to read, to hear you hurting so badly. To know that there is nothing I can do because of how far away you keep me hurts more than the pain I am dealing with in my own life.
Please....let me help. At the least, let me listen and help you carry this burden. Don't force yourself to carry it all alone, it will only hurt you more.
To the best of my knowledge of remembering, I have never hurt you and I never plan to, but if, for some reason, I have hurt you in the past then I am genuinely more sorry than you could ever know. Please, hurt on your own no more! I can't bear the sight of you hurting so bad....I can't...I....I can't. You're precious and you are loved by all who meet you (and if they don't, they've been dropped on their heads too many times, haha) and you are the best example of a true, honest man that I've ever known.
I can only pray that you read this and give me the chance to help you or at least listen to what's hurting you so.
You cannot do this alone.
Every time you write, I see more of what you hide and the pain that's eating you alive.
Let someone in to listen and help hold your burdened heart.
Every time I hear your voice I cringe from the unfathomable amount of hurt that echos from your mouth.
When will you allow someone to listen to that pain?
I don't know how to show you that I'm here, that I've never left since the day we met, but you're hurting and it kills me to watch, to read, to hear you hurting so badly. To know that there is nothing I can do because of how far away you keep me hurts more than the pain I am dealing with in my own life.
Please....let me help. At the least, let me listen and help you carry this burden. Don't force yourself to carry it all alone, it will only hurt you more.
To the best of my knowledge of remembering, I have never hurt you and I never plan to, but if, for some reason, I have hurt you in the past then I am genuinely more sorry than you could ever know. Please, hurt on your own no more! I can't bear the sight of you hurting so bad....I can't...I....I can't. You're precious and you are loved by all who meet you (and if they don't, they've been dropped on their heads too many times, haha) and you are the best example of a true, honest man that I've ever known.
I can only pray that you read this and give me the chance to help you or at least listen to what's hurting you so.
26 June 2011
The Fight
Tonight's blog is not typical of what those of you who follow along have seen me write. This blog reflects my heart as of late and it's just something I needed to get off my chest. So, it's not necessary to read. It's more of me venting and throwing what some would call 'a fit,' but sometimes everyone needs to 'have a fit' to get things out in the open and to be able to breathe a little.
This is my breathing a little.
Darkness falls,
Fire reigns,
People cringe and hide away.
Chaos breeds,
Champions die,
Hell has raised itself today.
Light tries to brighten,
Peace rebounded,
Love's tightly under lock and key.
Shadows creep,
Evil mounts,
Goodness crusts but never breaks.
Leaking,
Sneaking,
Undying Love;
Creeping,
Sinking,
Unrelenting Sin.
On and on this battle goes
ensnaring lives to beyond the grave.
Raging long into the night,
lives fall all around,
some with,
and some without
a fight.
As ashamed as I am to admit this, I've lost the will to fight it seems. I've always been a fighter and pushed myself to be better, to do better, to do more and to never fall; however, this drive to continue this method of fighting has all but died in this battle.
How much longer can I do this?
How much more can I drive myself forward before I fall into death's snare?
How much longer will this fighting continue?
Will someone withdraw or is this fight destined to go on forever?
I like to think I'm strong.
I like to think I can handle anything that's thrown my way.
I like to think that no matter what battle I'm thrust into that I can fight and win.
Most of all, I like to think I'm good enough to win this seemingly endless battle.
The truth? I'm not.
I'm not strong.
I can't handle anything that's thrust my way.
I can't fight and win every, or any, battle.
And I am not good enough to win this seemingly endless battle.
I'm not and I never will be unless I can keep my faith in Jesus strong.
Even if I fall in every single battle, if my faith is strong - even just a thread strong - God will help me through and give me the strength, eventually, to defeat my enemies.
For so long, even more so this year, it has been increasingly harder to fight and I'm afraid I'm going to lose.
16 June 2011
Foundations - Trust
If there's one thing I have learned during my twenty-one years of residing here upon this planet called earth, it's that trust and love must coincide.
Where there is not trust, a genuine love is missing as well and where there is not love, a genuine trust is non-existent.
Trust has always been a difficult issue for me to embrace and as I've gotten older, I have seen my friends, especially those I really care about, struggle with it as much, if not more, than I do - and have. In any relationship - be it a friendship, relationships between family members, marriage, dating, etc. - there must be a foundation.
For the blueprints to a home one always finds a foundation, a cement foundation to keep the rest of the home stabilized and sturdy for any storms that may arise. It is the same with relationships, however, instead of the foundation being made of cement, it is made of trust.
Relationships built on shaky trust will not last, however, if there is at least a small, but firm, patch of trust within that foundation, the foundation will grow stronger as time goes on.
But, it is not an easy thing nor am I claiming to have mastered it because, trust me, I have a long, long way to go before that feat is anywhere near accomplished. With the tender care of close friends and family, shaky foundations can withstand even the worst of storms and grow stronger as a result.
Before you give up altogether on friendships you are afraid to try again or to start or even to continue where they'd been left off, remember to check the foundation of the whole thing; if there is even a little bit of solid base stuck under all that mess of a relationship, do not give up but, rather, pursue it and further its growth.
I hope this will be considered by all who browse through this blog and I hope that the foundations of your relationships and friendships will prosper and be strong in genuine trust and love.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
Where there is not trust, a genuine love is missing as well and where there is not love, a genuine trust is non-existent.
Trust has always been a difficult issue for me to embrace and as I've gotten older, I have seen my friends, especially those I really care about, struggle with it as much, if not more, than I do - and have. In any relationship - be it a friendship, relationships between family members, marriage, dating, etc. - there must be a foundation.
For the blueprints to a home one always finds a foundation, a cement foundation to keep the rest of the home stabilized and sturdy for any storms that may arise. It is the same with relationships, however, instead of the foundation being made of cement, it is made of trust.
Relationships built on shaky trust will not last, however, if there is at least a small, but firm, patch of trust within that foundation, the foundation will grow stronger as time goes on.
But, it is not an easy thing nor am I claiming to have mastered it because, trust me, I have a long, long way to go before that feat is anywhere near accomplished. With the tender care of close friends and family, shaky foundations can withstand even the worst of storms and grow stronger as a result.
Before you give up altogether on friendships you are afraid to try again or to start or even to continue where they'd been left off, remember to check the foundation of the whole thing; if there is even a little bit of solid base stuck under all that mess of a relationship, do not give up but, rather, pursue it and further its growth.
I hope this will be considered by all who browse through this blog and I hope that the foundations of your relationships and friendships will prosper and be strong in genuine trust and love.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
25 April 2011
Who Defines Your Worth?
Who do you let define you?
Do you let others take that task or do you fight to be able to define yourself?
There is no one who can define you but you and Jesus Christ himself. Everyone around you - whether or not they mean to - will try to define you in their own terms and that is when you will have to fight to not let those words take hold in your mind.
No one knows better how to define you than God, but the question you - the question we all must ask ourselves - is will you let Him define you? Or will you allow the crowd to degrade you and define you all your life even though you know it is wrong?
How can humans define just how flawed or not your worth is when their own worth is flawed and damaged as well? They can't. They have no right and though they will try, and sometimes succeed, to make you feel small in your worth, they are nothing to how your worth is defined by God.
No one can tell you that you are worthless.
No one can force you to be defined in the way they want you to be.
No one can tell you that you will never amount to anything in this life.
God, after all, is the only one who has this right, the only one who can tell you how much you are worth and the only one who can tell you how much you will amount to in life.
He won't ever degrade you.
He won't ever tell you that you are worthless.
And He will never tell you that you won't ever amount to anything because, to Him, you are a rare jewel in the rough.
He says that you will be worth the world to Him and that nothing and no one can ever take that from you.
Will you let Him define you?
Will you let him show you how much you are worth?
Or will you continue to drown in the lies of the crowd?
When will /you/ learn to define yourself through God's eyes and not your own or the eyes of those all around you?
Do you let others take that task or do you fight to be able to define yourself?
There is no one who can define you but you and Jesus Christ himself. Everyone around you - whether or not they mean to - will try to define you in their own terms and that is when you will have to fight to not let those words take hold in your mind.
No one knows better how to define you than God, but the question you - the question we all must ask ourselves - is will you let Him define you? Or will you allow the crowd to degrade you and define you all your life even though you know it is wrong?
How can humans define just how flawed or not your worth is when their own worth is flawed and damaged as well? They can't. They have no right and though they will try, and sometimes succeed, to make you feel small in your worth, they are nothing to how your worth is defined by God.
No one can tell you that you are worthless.
No one can force you to be defined in the way they want you to be.
No one can tell you that you will never amount to anything in this life.
God, after all, is the only one who has this right, the only one who can tell you how much you are worth and the only one who can tell you how much you will amount to in life.
He won't ever degrade you.
He won't ever tell you that you are worthless.
And He will never tell you that you won't ever amount to anything because, to Him, you are a rare jewel in the rough.
He says that you will be worth the world to Him and that nothing and no one can ever take that from you.
Will you let Him define you?
Will you let him show you how much you are worth?
Or will you continue to drown in the lies of the crowd?
When will /you/ learn to define yourself through God's eyes and not your own or the eyes of those all around you?
01 April 2011
Hiding Eyes Behind Lies
For those of you who read my blog, I am sure you've been able to figure out by now some of the things going on in my life. This blog will not be like the others I have written, no; this one, rather, is a poem, but one that many of you will not understand - at least not the way I mean for it to be understood. Regardless, enjoy.
Bleeding lies encase you,
Damaged hearts surround;
Lost life,
Drowning tears,
Can anyone hear them?
Thoughts remind you,
Tear and bind you;
Pain shines,
Dead eyes,
Why can't you hear her?
Flying through the sea,
Tearing diamond hearts;
Sail away,
Flush time,
Who will find him?
Notes soar through the room,
Sound reverberates all around;
Creation rings,
Music sings,
How loud must they scream to be seen?
Blue skies fading fast,
Sunlight burning dim;
Rain dries,
Thunder pours,
Who will carry her in this storm?
Minds waver thoughtlessly,
Oceans out-run the sands of time;
Eyes hide,
Laughs lie,
Who will see through his disguise?
Masks of new faces,
Folks in faded places;
Dancing stills,
Masks removed,
Hidden behind her eyes she lies,
Yet who will see?
This was not written based upon only my experiences and circumstances, but upon some of my friends' situations as well. Now, don't take this to be a terrible, depressed poem but, rather, try to read into it deeper than what the surface shows and find a way to apply it to your own lives.
How can you help someone?
If you used faith and time, could you save a life?
If you took the time to see through the mask and into the eyes, how much more would you see?
Think about these questions as you go through your day and see how much more your mind is opened to the pain of those walking beside you down the street, sitting next to you in class or even those blatantly staring you in the face, daring you to find who they really are.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
Bleeding lies encase you,
Damaged hearts surround;
Lost life,
Drowning tears,
Can anyone hear them?
Thoughts remind you,
Tear and bind you;
Pain shines,
Dead eyes,
Why can't you hear her?
Flying through the sea,
Tearing diamond hearts;
Sail away,
Flush time,
Who will find him?
Notes soar through the room,
Sound reverberates all around;
Creation rings,
Music sings,
How loud must they scream to be seen?
Blue skies fading fast,
Sunlight burning dim;
Rain dries,
Thunder pours,
Who will carry her in this storm?
Minds waver thoughtlessly,
Oceans out-run the sands of time;
Eyes hide,
Laughs lie,
Who will see through his disguise?
Masks of new faces,
Folks in faded places;
Dancing stills,
Masks removed,
Hidden behind her eyes she lies,
Yet who will see?
This was not written based upon only my experiences and circumstances, but upon some of my friends' situations as well. Now, don't take this to be a terrible, depressed poem but, rather, try to read into it deeper than what the surface shows and find a way to apply it to your own lives.
How can you help someone?
If you used faith and time, could you save a life?
If you took the time to see through the mask and into the eyes, how much more would you see?
Think about these questions as you go through your day and see how much more your mind is opened to the pain of those walking beside you down the street, sitting next to you in class or even those blatantly staring you in the face, daring you to find who they really are.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
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