The Fight

Tonight's blog is not typical of what those of you who follow along have seen me write.  This blog reflects my heart as of late and it's just something I needed to get off my chest.  So, it's not necessary to read.  It's more of me venting and throwing what some would call 'a fit,' but sometimes everyone needs to 'have a fit' to get things out in the open and to be able to breathe a little.  

This is my breathing a little.

Darkness falls,

Fire reigns,

People cringe and hide away.

Chaos breeds,

Champions die,

Hell has raised itself today.

Light tries to brighten,

Peace rebounded,

Love's tightly under lock and key.

Shadows creep,

Evil mounts,

Goodness crusts but never breaks.

Leaking,

Sneaking,

Undying Love;

Creeping,

Sinking,

Unrelenting Sin.

On and on this battle goes

ensnaring lives to beyond the grave.

Raging long into the night,

lives fall all around,

some with,

and some without

a fight.

As ashamed as I am to admit this, I've lost the will to fight it seems.  I've always been a fighter and pushed myself to be better, to do better, to do more and to never fall; however, this drive to continue this method of fighting has all but died in this battle. 

How much longer can I do this? 

How much more can I drive myself forward before I fall into death's snare?

How much longer will this fighting continue?

Will someone withdraw or is this fight destined to go on forever?

I like to think I'm strong.

I like to think I can handle anything that's thrown my way.

I like to think that no matter what battle I'm thrust into that I can fight and win.

Most of all, I like to think I'm good enough to win this seemingly endless battle.

The truth?  I'm not.

I'm not strong.

I can't handle anything that's thrust my way.

I can't fight and win every, or any, battle.

And I am not good enough to win this seemingly endless battle.

I'm not and I never will be unless I can keep my faith in Jesus strong.

Even if I fall in every single battle, if my faith is strong - even just a thread strong - God will help me through and give me the strength, eventually, to defeat my enemies.

For so long, even more so this year, it has been increasingly harder to fight and I'm afraid I'm going to lose.