For those of you who read my blog, I am sure you've been able to figure out by now some of the things going on in my life. This blog will not be like the others I have written, no; this one, rather, is a poem, but one that many of you will not understand - at least not the way I mean for it to be understood. Regardless, enjoy.
Bleeding lies encase you,
Damaged hearts surround;
Lost life,
Drowning tears,
Can anyone hear them?
Thoughts remind you,
Tear and bind you;
Pain shines,
Dead eyes,
Why can't you hear her?
Flying through the sea,
Tearing diamond hearts;
Sail away,
Flush time,
Who will find him?
Notes soar through the room,
Sound reverberates all around;
Creation rings,
Music sings,
How loud must they scream to be seen?
Blue skies fading fast,
Sunlight burning dim;
Rain dries,
Thunder pours,
Who will carry her in this storm?
Minds waver thoughtlessly,
Oceans out-run the sands of time;
Eyes hide,
Laughs lie,
Who will see through his disguise?
Masks of new faces,
Folks in faded places;
Dancing stills,
Masks removed,
Hidden behind her eyes she lies,
Yet who will see?
This was not written based upon only my experiences and circumstances, but upon some of my friends' situations as well. Now, don't take this to be a terrible, depressed poem but, rather, try to read into it deeper than what the surface shows and find a way to apply it to your own lives.
How can you help someone?
If you used faith and time, could you save a life?
If you took the time to see through the mask and into the eyes, how much more would you see?
Think about these questions as you go through your day and see how much more your mind is opened to the pain of those walking beside you down the street, sitting next to you in class or even those blatantly staring you in the face, daring you to find who they really are.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
01 April 2011
21 February 2011
S[HE] BE[LIE]VE[D]
She believed.
He lied.
A phrase most often used as a reference to boyfriends and girlfriends, however, the meaning of this phrase, for the purpose of this blog, refers to a father and a daughter.
She believed.
She believed in who he was,
She believe in the love he showed,
She believed in the man he said he was, but more importantly, she believed him when he said that he would never leave.
He lied.
He lied about who he was,
He lied about the love he'd shown,
He lied about the man he said he was, but the thing that hurt the most was that he lied when he said that he'd never leave.
Lying has always been the thing I hate the most, the one thing - other than parental rejection and words that are far from affirming - that hurts more than anything. I never thought anything could ever equal to the hurt of being lied to, however, I was wrong. {And yes, that will be the ONLY time that will ever be seen in writing.}
Having someone whom you love very much, who has been always been around, and who helped in the creation process of your life, and when that person leaves and lies in the midst of leaving, that's what hurts the most. Knowing that you're not worth the truth, that everything you've ever known, everything you have been told by that person is a lie.
The weight of losing a parent is something I never thought I'd have to deal with till I, and my parents, were much older, however, it is a weight currently pressing itself down upon my life. This pain that I must deal with now is something I could only empathize with some of my friends over, but now, I can sympathize with them. Mind you, this is not something I ever thought I would have to go through, but here I am in the midst of it.
In the midst of divorce.
Divorce, being a word that was never a part of my vocabulary regarding my own life, is now a word that has quickly become a very prominent part of my daily use of words.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
He lied.
A phrase most often used as a reference to boyfriends and girlfriends, however, the meaning of this phrase, for the purpose of this blog, refers to a father and a daughter.
She believed.
She believed in who he was,
She believe in the love he showed,
She believed in the man he said he was, but more importantly, she believed him when he said that he would never leave.
He lied.
He lied about who he was,
He lied about the love he'd shown,
He lied about the man he said he was, but the thing that hurt the most was that he lied when he said that he'd never leave.
Lying has always been the thing I hate the most, the one thing - other than parental rejection and words that are far from affirming - that hurts more than anything. I never thought anything could ever equal to the hurt of being lied to, however, I was wrong. {And yes, that will be the ONLY time that will ever be seen in writing.}
Having someone whom you love very much, who has been always been around, and who helped in the creation process of your life, and when that person leaves and lies in the midst of leaving, that's what hurts the most. Knowing that you're not worth the truth, that everything you've ever known, everything you have been told by that person is a lie.
The weight of losing a parent is something I never thought I'd have to deal with till I, and my parents, were much older, however, it is a weight currently pressing itself down upon my life. This pain that I must deal with now is something I could only empathize with some of my friends over, but now, I can sympathize with them. Mind you, this is not something I ever thought I would have to go through, but here I am in the midst of it.
In the midst of divorce.
Divorce, being a word that was never a part of my vocabulary regarding my own life, is now a word that has quickly become a very prominent part of my daily use of words.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
29 January 2011
Love Never Quits and Love Never Dies
"When does love stop persevering?
When does love just quit?"
These are the cries of a broken-hearted woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter.
These simple words stand true for all of humanity; they are what we should be asking ourselves daily.
When does love stop loving?
When does love lose the will to fight?
How is it possible for love to cease when love is meant to withstand all impossibilities?
As humans, it is in our nature to love; we cannot go without it.
Our bodies crave it, our minds need to be reassured of it constantly, and our emotions feed off of it daily.
No man or woman can go without love; they will search for it and try to get it in any way they can.
When love is not received, one's mind begins to ask questions such as, "Is there something wrong with me? What does love really mean? Will I ever find this so-called "love"?"
But, what happens when love (in the typical sense of the word) can't be found? Our minds then start wondering, "Who will love me for me?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgGUKWiw7Wk
JJ Heller, I believe, portrays the true concept of love and the ever-longing cry of our hearts in this song very well. We, lowly, sinful humans, cry "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? Cuz nobody has shown me what love means."
And it's true, no human on earth can show someone genuine love. Each of us has a picture of what we think love really looks like, but until we get a grasp of one true Love of the world, we will never know what love really means. However, in the midst of our desperate cries, God responds ever so gently, "I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you, I will give you the love that you never knew."
God loves us unconditionally and infinitely, it doesn't matter to Him what we have or have not done, He just simply loves us. We killed Him, we spit on Him, we hated Him and ignored His teachings, yet still He loves us. If He can love us still even after all that we put Him through, why is it that we cannot persevere through life's ups and downs and still love each other?
Love never has a reason to quit. If one quits on their love for others, they know not what true love is. If one quits on love, they are a coward to perseverance.
How will you love? Will you persevere or will you quit?
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
When does love just quit?"
These are the cries of a broken-hearted woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter.
These simple words stand true for all of humanity; they are what we should be asking ourselves daily.
When does love stop loving?
When does love lose the will to fight?
How is it possible for love to cease when love is meant to withstand all impossibilities?
As humans, it is in our nature to love; we cannot go without it.
Our bodies crave it, our minds need to be reassured of it constantly, and our emotions feed off of it daily.
No man or woman can go without love; they will search for it and try to get it in any way they can.
When love is not received, one's mind begins to ask questions such as, "Is there something wrong with me? What does love really mean? Will I ever find this so-called "love"?"
But, what happens when love (in the typical sense of the word) can't be found? Our minds then start wondering, "Who will love me for me?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgGUKWiw7Wk
JJ Heller, I believe, portrays the true concept of love and the ever-longing cry of our hearts in this song very well. We, lowly, sinful humans, cry "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? Cuz nobody has shown me what love means."
And it's true, no human on earth can show someone genuine love. Each of us has a picture of what we think love really looks like, but until we get a grasp of one true Love of the world, we will never know what love really means. However, in the midst of our desperate cries, God responds ever so gently, "I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you, I will give you the love that you never knew."
God loves us unconditionally and infinitely, it doesn't matter to Him what we have or have not done, He just simply loves us. We killed Him, we spit on Him, we hated Him and ignored His teachings, yet still He loves us. If He can love us still even after all that we put Him through, why is it that we cannot persevere through life's ups and downs and still love each other?
Love never has a reason to quit. If one quits on their love for others, they know not what true love is. If one quits on love, they are a coward to perseverance.
How will you love? Will you persevere or will you quit?
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
17 January 2011
The Effects of Words
"You're so stupid."
"Can't you do anything right?"
You're a drunk."
You're worthless."
Drug addict, loser, alcoholic, abuser, rapist, murderer, thief, push-over, incompetent, lazy, ugly.
All of these words and more are the words that we, the human race, use to label others, to degrade them. Whether we realize it or not, we are embedding it into their minds that they are what we've said they are. These are the words that we use on them from birth, these are what people become because they've been so embedded in their minds since day one that they know nothing else. And, be it true or not, they will begin to believe these things to be truth.
Some will claim that words are simply that alone, just words, but words have meaning and each of them can cause real-life consequences.
The words that strike others from out tongues can be detromental to the minds and lives of others, but, if used in a genuine love for the feelings, emotions, and lives of humans in general, words can have a wonderful, life-long effect for the greater good of human life.
What we speak, whether we mean for them to be good or bad, will bury themselves so deep into the minds of those receiveing them that they will begin to internalize them and will soon start putting those words into action. People will become that which they are called, if called it repetitively enough, unless they can find the will to realize who they are is not who others say they are, but who God says they are.
Words are not to be toyed with, no, they can have some extreme consequences in the way that we use them, if we're not careful. Words are the cause of so many of the problems in our lives today; they are the cause of broken homes, torn relationships, fights, and so many other things. Words must be used with care so as not to bring about any unnecessary circumstances; to keep the peace between loved ones, co-workers, friends and oneself, one must have an intelligent knowledge of words in the English language and use them as delicately as one would handle an expensive, fragile gem.
To any parents who may be reading this, do not take offense to these words I write, but rather, keep them in mind and take care to remember them in the midst of chaos when it invades your home before something more drastic than a fight ensues.
To any siblings reading this, remind yourselves every day that your tongues are not to be used as weapons to hurt others, but instead, they should be used as mighty swords to protect the ones we care about. Use your use of words to preserve the relationships you carry around you now and know that no matter the circumstance, words have a major impact in the outcome.
Words only do the damage that we allow them to do. If we put a lock and key on our mouths and take care to watch what phrases and words are allows through the gates, then our lives may be much happier and relationships that we love having so may last much longer.
I do not claim to know everything when I write these blogs, I only write from experience and the things I am learning along the way. I hope to bless others in what I write and help others through their journey through life.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
"Can't you do anything right?"
You're a drunk."
You're worthless."
Drug addict, loser, alcoholic, abuser, rapist, murderer, thief, push-over, incompetent, lazy, ugly.
All of these words and more are the words that we, the human race, use to label others, to degrade them. Whether we realize it or not, we are embedding it into their minds that they are what we've said they are. These are the words that we use on them from birth, these are what people become because they've been so embedded in their minds since day one that they know nothing else. And, be it true or not, they will begin to believe these things to be truth.
Some will claim that words are simply that alone, just words, but words have meaning and each of them can cause real-life consequences.
The words that strike others from out tongues can be detromental to the minds and lives of others, but, if used in a genuine love for the feelings, emotions, and lives of humans in general, words can have a wonderful, life-long effect for the greater good of human life.
What we speak, whether we mean for them to be good or bad, will bury themselves so deep into the minds of those receiveing them that they will begin to internalize them and will soon start putting those words into action. People will become that which they are called, if called it repetitively enough, unless they can find the will to realize who they are is not who others say they are, but who God says they are.
Words are not to be toyed with, no, they can have some extreme consequences in the way that we use them, if we're not careful. Words are the cause of so many of the problems in our lives today; they are the cause of broken homes, torn relationships, fights, and so many other things. Words must be used with care so as not to bring about any unnecessary circumstances; to keep the peace between loved ones, co-workers, friends and oneself, one must have an intelligent knowledge of words in the English language and use them as delicately as one would handle an expensive, fragile gem.
To any parents who may be reading this, do not take offense to these words I write, but rather, keep them in mind and take care to remember them in the midst of chaos when it invades your home before something more drastic than a fight ensues.
To any siblings reading this, remind yourselves every day that your tongues are not to be used as weapons to hurt others, but instead, they should be used as mighty swords to protect the ones we care about. Use your use of words to preserve the relationships you carry around you now and know that no matter the circumstance, words have a major impact in the outcome.
Words only do the damage that we allow them to do. If we put a lock and key on our mouths and take care to watch what phrases and words are allows through the gates, then our lives may be much happier and relationships that we love having so may last much longer.
I do not claim to know everything when I write these blogs, I only write from experience and the things I am learning along the way. I hope to bless others in what I write and help others through their journey through life.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
13 October 2010
Wanderings of Wonder...
I've been thinking a lot lately, so much in fact that it's the reason why I haven't written in so long. I've been thinking about my life; where it's headed, what's going to happen, who am I going to be? As I've been thinking about my own life and all the posibilities that lay ahead of me, I've also thought about my friends and what's to become of them.
Friends I thought I'd never lose have drifted so far that I cannot see them through the fog that has set in. Others I can still see clearly, but the inner scars they've hid for so long have begun to appear on the outside and, despite what is said, I cannot help but feel so helpless in trying to ease their pain. Friends in whom I've confided so much are no longer willing to be around, no longer willing to put forth the effort to having a strong friendship.
Where did things go so wrong? Will they ever be able to be put right again? Were they ever right in the first place? Or was it just a figment of our imaginations that everything was truly in its place at all?
I've wondered about these things for a while now, but have only recently begun to find the words to speak of them.
Painful as it may be, when one takes a stroll through their thoughts, they discover things that have been long hidden. I've been wandering through my thoughts and memories and have found things that I thought I'd gotten rid of a long time ago, but the thing is, one never really gets rid of memories or surpressed thoughts.
It's just that.
We can only surpress the things that we want to no longer associate with, but never will they fully be gone.
But, I've found that in supressing my thoughts from myself and others accomplishes nothing but more hurt and seclusion and really, who wants to live their life out in complete seclusion from those around them? Even in this logic though, I will not just become an open book and give my thoughts permission to leave my head, no; I will still keep a close guard upon my heart and all the thoughts and memories residing within my mind.
Once upon a time I had let my heart be free, my trust was given freely and without fear, and I did not have walls built up to keep everyone out. However, things changed, as they always must, right? Now in this time, my heart is closed off to the public, my trust locked tightly within it and rarely given, and the walls; the walls have been built so high, so thick, so strong that not one brick can be loosed by an outsider.
Or so I thought.
Since my walls had gone up, everyone who was close to me tried, but failed to penetrate through them. But, then I met someone, a good friend of mine who has this uncanny ability to read people no matter what walls they have surrounded their hearts with. Now, I can read people well, but no one that I know has ever been able to read me well at all and I was rather annoyed that he could do it so well. I found myself trusting him and it scared me to think that I could trust someone so easily, so I tried to close myself off from him and my new group of friends, but, lo and behold, they wouldn't back off.
I didn't know what it was about him, but he was different. He was different than any guy I'd met before and he was so much more mature than most I'd encountered. He seemed to understand things more in depth, he could sympathize with a good chunk of events that have gone on in my life, and he empathized with the rest. But, his difference in all that wasn't what made him stand out from the others; it was something from within him.
I didn't know then, but his heart belonged to someone else, he'd given it and let it be filled with love and through that love I saw what I wanted and needed.
He has Jesus and I wanted it.
But, (here's a shocker) I was ridiculously stubborn and wouldn't allow my heart to be healed by this unseen man. I was stubborn for a long time, but finally couldn't handle things on my own anymore, I had to give up my life and my heart to Him. And the change...it was incredible.
But, he never gave up on praying for me to find his Love and to surrender to someone who could better handle all of my issues and pain far better than I could ever dream of doing on my own. Even when I was such a jerk to him, he wouldn't quit; I know it sounds pathetic, but no matter how hard I tried to distance myself from him and the others, they just wouldn't leave.
And people tell me I'm stubborn.
Anyway, back to the topic of thoughts...
Just keep in mind that your thoughts and memories are never fully gone; the bad ones, the ones not wanting to be remembered, are only supressed and the good ones, the ones full of love and happiness, they'll always be there and they'll be there to overpower the bad when they resurface.
Take a wander through your thoughts from time-to-time, you may be surprised at what you find. Take Jesus with you when you stroll through them all though, for you may need someone to share them with. But, just to have someone by your side to comfort you should your thoughts become unbearable on your own is a good enough reason to take Him along for the walk.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
Friends I thought I'd never lose have drifted so far that I cannot see them through the fog that has set in. Others I can still see clearly, but the inner scars they've hid for so long have begun to appear on the outside and, despite what is said, I cannot help but feel so helpless in trying to ease their pain. Friends in whom I've confided so much are no longer willing to be around, no longer willing to put forth the effort to having a strong friendship.
Where did things go so wrong? Will they ever be able to be put right again? Were they ever right in the first place? Or was it just a figment of our imaginations that everything was truly in its place at all?
I've wondered about these things for a while now, but have only recently begun to find the words to speak of them.
Painful as it may be, when one takes a stroll through their thoughts, they discover things that have been long hidden. I've been wandering through my thoughts and memories and have found things that I thought I'd gotten rid of a long time ago, but the thing is, one never really gets rid of memories or surpressed thoughts.
It's just that.
We can only surpress the things that we want to no longer associate with, but never will they fully be gone.
But, I've found that in supressing my thoughts from myself and others accomplishes nothing but more hurt and seclusion and really, who wants to live their life out in complete seclusion from those around them? Even in this logic though, I will not just become an open book and give my thoughts permission to leave my head, no; I will still keep a close guard upon my heart and all the thoughts and memories residing within my mind.
Once upon a time I had let my heart be free, my trust was given freely and without fear, and I did not have walls built up to keep everyone out. However, things changed, as they always must, right? Now in this time, my heart is closed off to the public, my trust locked tightly within it and rarely given, and the walls; the walls have been built so high, so thick, so strong that not one brick can be loosed by an outsider.
Or so I thought.
Since my walls had gone up, everyone who was close to me tried, but failed to penetrate through them. But, then I met someone, a good friend of mine who has this uncanny ability to read people no matter what walls they have surrounded their hearts with. Now, I can read people well, but no one that I know has ever been able to read me well at all and I was rather annoyed that he could do it so well. I found myself trusting him and it scared me to think that I could trust someone so easily, so I tried to close myself off from him and my new group of friends, but, lo and behold, they wouldn't back off.
I didn't know what it was about him, but he was different. He was different than any guy I'd met before and he was so much more mature than most I'd encountered. He seemed to understand things more in depth, he could sympathize with a good chunk of events that have gone on in my life, and he empathized with the rest. But, his difference in all that wasn't what made him stand out from the others; it was something from within him.
I didn't know then, but his heart belonged to someone else, he'd given it and let it be filled with love and through that love I saw what I wanted and needed.
He has Jesus and I wanted it.
But, (here's a shocker) I was ridiculously stubborn and wouldn't allow my heart to be healed by this unseen man. I was stubborn for a long time, but finally couldn't handle things on my own anymore, I had to give up my life and my heart to Him. And the change...it was incredible.
But, he never gave up on praying for me to find his Love and to surrender to someone who could better handle all of my issues and pain far better than I could ever dream of doing on my own. Even when I was such a jerk to him, he wouldn't quit; I know it sounds pathetic, but no matter how hard I tried to distance myself from him and the others, they just wouldn't leave.
And people tell me I'm stubborn.
Anyway, back to the topic of thoughts...
Just keep in mind that your thoughts and memories are never fully gone; the bad ones, the ones not wanting to be remembered, are only supressed and the good ones, the ones full of love and happiness, they'll always be there and they'll be there to overpower the bad when they resurface.
Take a wander through your thoughts from time-to-time, you may be surprised at what you find. Take Jesus with you when you stroll through them all though, for you may need someone to share them with. But, just to have someone by your side to comfort you should your thoughts become unbearable on your own is a good enough reason to take Him along for the walk.
Until our next encounter,
Lauren
14 August 2010
Beautiful Ones
Beautiful people with broken hearts and messed-up lives - this is who we are in God's eyes.
The girl crying in the school bathroom, blood running down her arm, her face lifted up to heaven as cries of pain and confusion flood the echoing room.
Does anyone see her?
The mother forever scarred, her body revealing the birth of a young one, but nowhere is he to be found. Instead his small heart has found rest with his Maker.
Can anyone know her pain?
The son hiding in a corner as mother and father scream, things flying around the room. His body shakes with fear, his flesh tries to leave but is heart is chained to his family.
Who will be his rescue?
The shy, young lass who carefully walks the halls praying she misses her today, just to get a break. The punching, the kicking, the cuts and bruises, the continual abuse in actions and words - she can't take any more.
How can no one hear her pleas for help?
All of these broken, all of these bruised and scarred, our Daddy sees them one and all. He calls them beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, sons and daughters of the Most High Creator of Life.
All of these are all around us; they are our friends, our family, sisters, brothers, cousins...ourselves.
We are broken, we are scarred, we are full of sin and shame, but yet we are beautiful. Our Daddy calls us beloved, gorgeous, remarkably blameless in His sight.
We are forever cherished by the one who is so holy, so magnificent; He calls us His children.
We are His babies, His bride, His shining rteasure and it's time we begin believing it. To allow Him to call us beautiful, precious jewels, to let Him flood us with love and peace, to let Him bring us to our knees in total surrender is the least we can fo for what He did for us.
Until nour next encounter,
Lauren
The girl crying in the school bathroom, blood running down her arm, her face lifted up to heaven as cries of pain and confusion flood the echoing room.
Does anyone see her?
The mother forever scarred, her body revealing the birth of a young one, but nowhere is he to be found. Instead his small heart has found rest with his Maker.
Can anyone know her pain?
The son hiding in a corner as mother and father scream, things flying around the room. His body shakes with fear, his flesh tries to leave but is heart is chained to his family.
Who will be his rescue?
The shy, young lass who carefully walks the halls praying she misses her today, just to get a break. The punching, the kicking, the cuts and bruises, the continual abuse in actions and words - she can't take any more.
How can no one hear her pleas for help?
All of these broken, all of these bruised and scarred, our Daddy sees them one and all. He calls them beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, sons and daughters of the Most High Creator of Life.
All of these are all around us; they are our friends, our family, sisters, brothers, cousins...ourselves.
We are broken, we are scarred, we are full of sin and shame, but yet we are beautiful. Our Daddy calls us beloved, gorgeous, remarkably blameless in His sight.
We are forever cherished by the one who is so holy, so magnificent; He calls us His children.
We are His babies, His bride, His shining rteasure and it's time we begin believing it. To allow Him to call us beautiful, precious jewels, to let Him flood us with love and peace, to let Him bring us to our knees in total surrender is the least we can fo for what He did for us.
Until nour next encounter,
Lauren
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