Vulnerability

It's not something I've shared with many people, but I've been seeing a counselor and she gave me homework after our second session together.  She asked me to write about vulnerability and how it made me feel, what I thought about it, and everything in-between.
At first, I thought she was nuts and so I skipped it.  (It helped that I legitimately forgot about it, though.)  However, after the third session she assigned me the same homework assignment from the week before as well as another one.

Today I met with her again and this time, I had both of the assignments finished and ready for her.  I wasn't happy about doing the first one, but I did.  It took me about eight minutes to write about vulnerability and the inspiration, believe it or not, hatched from my hate of it.  Ironically...

As much as I hate the way it makes me feel, I have to admit that it wasn't all that bad to write about it.  Maybe it will help someone else have the courage to open up and write about it themselves or, at least, maybe some who will read this will be able to relate to what I've written.  Anywho, it's worth a shot, right?  Here goes.... 

Vulnerability

It is everything I hate,
but all that I long for.

It is the feeling I despise,
but the one that I desire.

It is everything worth loathing,
but everything worth owning.

It is the part of my soul
I wish to be free
yet my fear of the destruction it can bring
binds my heart from setting it free.

The walls built up against it
are unimaginable
and
impenetrable.

It is hate,
It is love,
It is unworthy,
It is worthy,
It is longed for and desired,
It is shut out and feared.

It is life.
It is death.

It is vulnerability.

Now, I hope my readers understand - those who know me and read this, at least - that this is not an easy subject for me to speak about, let alone write about and share with you all.

With that said, helping others grow and see that they're not alone in whatever situation they may be facing is a growing (burning) passion of mine and it is because of that that I am able to share this tonight.  As uncomfortable as it may be still, I want to see the youth and young adults of this world pull away from their pain, grow stronger, find wisdom and light in their dark places, and eventually be able to help others through similar situations.

Remember: Vulnerability is what *you* make of it.  It is a haunting emotion, but it can serve a helpful purpose if it's opened to the right person at the right time.  I have never, personally, experienced the good it can bring, but I've watched a few close friends experience it/them.  I still await my chance to see good come of allowing oneself to be vulnerable, but I know that in order to have good relationships and, eventually, a good marriage, I need to begin to open up and let it behave as a good emotion instead of solely an evil one.
Try being vulnerable with your boyfriend or girlfriend or your spouse/significant other.
Try it with someone you trust and I can guarantee that it will strengthen your trust of each other - if that person is "the one."
Try to allow yourself the privilege to grow and become the woman, or man, you want to be in this life.

Until out next encounter,
Lauren