Why Can't I....?

Tonight everyone is gone.

Tonight I am alone.

Tonight all those I leaned upon are no more.

They are not allowed to be as they once were.

He's forcing me to listen.

He's trying to tear away my protection.

He's trying to destroy my walls.

My mind is consumed with His voice and
I am overwhelmed by the words I hear.

He presses my hand to my paper to write
the words He whispers through my thoughts.

He wants to heal me, so why won't I just let Him?

I want my protection.

I want my walls.

I don't want to be hurt again.

I don't want to be vulnerable.

I don't want to be weak and defenseless.

I want to have one or two someone's
I can talk to and lean on in times of need.

I want to be that same someone for others.

He says I'm loved.

He says I'm beautiful.

He says I'm worth it all.

Even through death, so why can't I believe His truths?

He tells me that my "leaning posts" are gone.

He whispers that my protection has left.

He is still when I fight and scream.

He is near when the rest of humanity fails me.

He has not left me, so why am I so hesitant?

They are gone and they are not here, He says.

"I am here, my child, lean on me.

Let me be The One.

Let me love you.

Let me pull you up out of the chasm you've fallen into.

Come.  Take my hand, beauty."

He is gentle and kind and true.

He is unfailing and unconditional in His love.

He is a good Daddy, so why can't I trust His love for me?